I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
