My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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