wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
