shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
