Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
