god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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