After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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