it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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