Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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