I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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