he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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