I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
