I have demons in me.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
