i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
