You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your penis caused this!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
