well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
