my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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