I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize