i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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