It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize