I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
