You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
