Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
