She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
