My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
