i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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