We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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