i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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