I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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