Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
