ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
