Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
