He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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