Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
