she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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