I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
