I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
