Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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