I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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