Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
