I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
