I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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