from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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