My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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