i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
