remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
