And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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