After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
