i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
