The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
