One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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