If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize