she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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