I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
