She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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