Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
