I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
