My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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