Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
