NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
