I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
