I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
