i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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