My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
