Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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