i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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