did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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