Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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