I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
