i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
