This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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