I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
