Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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