what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
