Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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