Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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