now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
