lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
