I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
