My balls are so social today.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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